Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
