It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
