the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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