I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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