According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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