just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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