I puked a lego.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
