I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
