I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
