is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize