gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so much tequila, so little girl.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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