If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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