Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
