"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This baby is an asshole
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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