I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
