Buhtt sex?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
