matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
