So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
