they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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