Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
