I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
