so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
