Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
