She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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