so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
