but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
