Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize