You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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