Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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