i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
