my mouth tastes like poor choices
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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