cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
