thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like abortions should bother me more
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
