Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
