i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
organizing the empties. That sober.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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