What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
