She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
