you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize