Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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