I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
