I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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