I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
me + whiskey = a bad person
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
