Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize