I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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