FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
