I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
