im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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