nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
