I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
