I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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