He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
