i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
