yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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