I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
