There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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