Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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