did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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