just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
