and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
