she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize