i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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