my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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