it hurts more in the daytime
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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