So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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