I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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