I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
