i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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