There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
