youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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