I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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