i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She told me I should be a condom model.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
