I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize