I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
