um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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