I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
