it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
