the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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