I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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