we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize