i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
