Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize