Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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