we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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