You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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