ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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