Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
