I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
